雅思作文评分与提升建议总结

按照雅思作文考试评分标准给我作文打分并提出建议，润色到6.5分水平： With swift progress of society in recent decades,cultural diversity has been eroded at an unprecedented rate.It is undeniable that a few of languages are on the rise in usage,while many others are in decline in utilization.From my perspective,it is definitely a negative tendency and here are my reasons why. First and foremost,it is widely acknowledged that economic development affects domestic cultrues to a great extent.Since a certain country has profound influence,its lauguage will most likely be popularized among other cooperating countries,contributing to a fluent communication environment.Therefore,these countries transform their previous lauguages to catter to trade demands potentially without considering culture’s of languages value.As we all know,languages symbolized the time-honored histories of countries,bearing trousands of years simulation of particular traditions,which distinguish countries’features from each other.It is these special

Your essay presents a clear argument regarding the erosion of cultural diversity due to the rise of certain languages, and you provide reasons to support your viewpoint. However, there are several areas where improvements can be made to enhance clarity, coherence, and overall quality. Based on the IELTS scoring criteria, I would rate your essay around a 5.5 to 6.0. Here are some suggestions to help you reach a 6.5 level:

Suggestions for Improvement:

1. Clarity and Coherence:

   • Ensure that your ideas flow logically. Use linking words and phrases to connect your thoughts more clearly.
   • For example, instead of "First and foremost," you could say, "To begin with," or "Firstly," which are more commonly used in academic writing.

2. Grammar and Vocabulary:

   • Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors. For instance, "cultrues" should be "cultures," and "lauguage" should be "language."
   • Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. Instead of "transform their previous languages," you could say "alter their native languages."

3. Sentence Structure:

   • Vary your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. Combine shorter sentences into more complex ones where appropriate.
   • For example, "As we all know, languages symbolize the time-honored histories of countries, bearing thousands of years of tradition that distinguish each country's unique features."

4. Development of Ideas:

   • Expand on your points with more examples or explanations. For instance, you could provide specific examples of languages that are declining and discuss the implications of this decline on cultural identity.

5. Conclusion:

   • Make sure to include a concluding statement that summarizes your argument and reinforces your viewpoint. This will help to round off your essay effectively.

Revised Version:

With the swift progress of society in recent decades, cultural diversity has been eroded at an unprecedented rate. It is undeniable that a few languages are gaining prominence, while many others are declining in usage. From my perspective, this trend is decidedly negative, and I will outline my reasons below.

To begin with, it is widely acknowledged that economic development significantly impacts domestic cultures. When a particular country exerts a profound influence, its language is likely to be popularized among its trading partners, fostering a more efficient communication environment. Consequently, these countries may alter their native languages to cater to trade demands, often neglecting the cultural value embedded in these languages. As we know, languages symbolize the rich histories of nations, encapsulating thousands of years of traditions that distinguish one country from another.

In conclusion, the decline of many languages in favor of a few dominant ones poses a threat to cultural diversity. It is essential to recognize and preserve the unique characteristics of all languages, as they are vital to the identity and heritage of their respective cultures.

Final Thoughts:

By addressing these areas, you can improve the overall quality of your essay and aim for a higher score in the IELTS writing section. Good luck!